It's so sad.
To have this good a team and find out we have a weakness.
Last night's game was a perfect example of our Achilles' Heel.
Stay with me, this is difficult to explain, and very difficult to understand.
Let me illustrate.......
Normally, teams have more than one person contribute to their success. It's sad
the Jazz only have so many who can do so little. For example, you might think
that Deron Williams ascension to the elite of the NBA, averaging 19 and 9,
simply dominating games, taking the big shot, making the big shot, stealing the
ball when needed, playing bull dog defense on the best players in the league,
might be enough, well......Sad.
Then there's Carlos Boozer. The little guy. If he could only rebound, maybe
average more than a piddling 13 a game! And 22 points per game? Why does he
think that's enough to earn his money? Disgraceful. Disgusting. Sure, he hit's
clutch free throws like it's practice. Game winners. Sure, he's learning to
throw 250 pound monsters glancing away from his frail body like......Like my
mother in law at the Dollar store closeout sale....Sorry, that image is not for
the faint of heart. Grow up, Carlos. Get a game. Dunk the ball once in a while,
get a rebound. Jeez!
As for Mehmet Okur, well.....What about Mehmet Okur? Is it enough to be the
premier clutch shooter in the league? Oh, well now, who would you rather have
taking that three point shot to win the game? Memo....o\Or.....Anyone else? I
can think of a bunch of people. Jordan, Stock....And for crying out loud, draw
some defense's out so Carlos can get a lay-up. Maybe block more than one game
winning shot. I know Carlos isn't leaving a whole lot of rebounds around, but
nine a game? My mother in law....Like I said, that image is not for the faint of
heart. Go home to Yeliz, let her comfort you, you big baby. On second thought,
if you're busy......
See, this is worse than you thought. Yah? We've only covered three players, and
already you must realize how this illustrates my point. One dimensional......
AK who? Taking a break, Andre? Afraid to show your angular Slavic smush on TV?
Oh, enough. Who wants to see the most exciting defensive player in the league? A
skinny Russian kid with an innocent grin that disguises the heart of a KGB
hitman? An emaciated stick man who can block shots like no one else in the NBA?
And I mean....Zilcharova. Take your Ben Wallaces, your Camby's, or whatever his
name is.......t's almost enough to make you think that the Jazz might be a
little more than one dimensional. Almost. Five by five? What is that? Well, my
mother in law, for one thing. Five feet tall, and five feet wide.
Not a picture for the faint of heart.
See what I mean? And I haven't begun to talk about Matt Harpring, like that
meant anything. You can take your gritty, hardworking, skinny butt a$$ and
average double figures off the bench all you want. Shoot the lights out. Knock
someone on their butt. Grin. Do it again. Won't do you any good, I see right
through you, muscles and all. Faker. Pretty boy. Pansy.
I didn't say that....Not me.
Where were we? AK, Matt, Booz, Willy, Memo....
That's about it. Folks. Forget about the big kid from Louisiana, the one making
us temporarily forget about the best defensive player in the league. The one
with nerves of stainless steel, the one with pogo sticks for legs and get that
sh........Stuff out of here mentality. The kid who thinks rebounds are candy,
and it's Halloween. Trick or Treat! The Manster, Kirby Rebound-Sweeper, no, you
don't need to worry about him. It's only ten games into the season, his rookie
season, and he's a fixture on the best team in the league. Hey...That's us! How
did that happen? Could it be two of the most exciting, athletic, diaper wearing
and goo-gooing athletic six-seven youngsters in the league? Ronnie and CJ?
They're not quite there...so don't worry about them. No help here. Maybe in a
month or so, but not now. So what if Ronnie subs for AK and averages double
figures in points, makes no mistakes and looks better every game? CJ? Yes, he's
struggling. It's true. It's also true in a little while he'll be one of the best
SG's in the league. Stay with him, Jerry. He will be there when you need him.
And don't give me that Derek Fisher nonsense, the guy who loves to take that
last shot, gives his aging body up for cannon fodder in the trenches, no nerve
muscle eared dome topped old guy routine.....Mentor? Say what? Example? Role
model? Assassin?
Yep. Guilty as charged.
I haven't mentioned Collins, Brown, Powell, Araujo....'cause they're just role
players. Role. Player. That must mean something, I guess. If the Jazz weren't so
one dimensional, so limited with choices and......Role Players coming off the
bench....Then there's Gordan G, the sharpshooter from east of the Iron Curtain.
He's hurt right now, but will soon be back and scratching a place for himself on
this one dimensional team, because he knows it's better to be a cog on a big
wheel than a gear on no wheel. Before the tendon started itising, he was playing
the best I've seen him in a Jazz uni. Surely the fates, the basketball Gods that
are beginning to crack a grin when they see the Jazz take the court will bless
him and the Jazz.
We could use him, because we're so one dimensional.
Now you might think that I've been describing the deepest, most talented team in
the league right now. You know, the one with the best record. The one dominating
the stats, dominating the league, and first and foremost, occupying a fuzzy warm
spot in our Jazz loving hearts. Ah, that feels good. Almost makes up for that
title that MJ stole from us.
You know, that title.
Ours.
If only we weren't so one dimensional. If only we had a coach. You know, the
real kind of coach. One who.....Coaches. Guides. Teaches. Scares the bejeezes
out of you. Inspires you. Makes you grow up and learn to be a man. That kind of
coach. Sort of like Jerry Sloan, I guess. If we weren't so one dimensional, he
might win some games with the talent he has. 1000 games? So? He doesn't play,
the one dimensional stiffs on the floor do. Criminy, I've even see the big guy
smile once or twice this year. Praise a rookie or two or three....He's losing
it. Becoming human. Soft.
Sure. Jerry Sloan.....Softy Sloan. I like it.
So.......Yes, the Jazz are one dimensional. All they can do is one thing.
Win.
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